Too Far That Road
by Jevvica
Summary: "So, maybe coming to Hawaii was about my need to move, to change, to try something else. Because anything was better than standing still and watching you fade."


Author's Notes: I couldn't stand the NCIS: LA Season 4 finale. I hated how they portrayed Sam, twisted him up to...what? Make Deeks seem more heroic? Whatever. And the Season 5 premier is probably not going to be satisfying. I just needed to do something gentler for Sam and Callen. Who better to help out than some 5-0s in Hawaii.

There are spoilers for NCIS:LA Episode 4x24, "Descent" and Hawaii 5-0 Episode 2x10, "Kil'ilua"-(Deceiver), but there are tons of other little references if you can catch 'em.

I own very little and absolutely nothing related to NCIS:LA or Hawaii 5-0.

Summary: "So, maybe coming to Hawaii was about my need to move, to change, to try something else. Because anything was better than standing still and watching you fade."

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* * *

"_Hurt leads to bitterness, bitterness to anger, travel too far that road and the way is lost." - Terry Brooks_

* * *

"Something happened." Callen gave him a hard look before turning his gaze back out to the ocean and their partners.

"What makes you say that?"

"Jesus, you know what?" muttered Danny, throwing his hands to the sides. "You all want to act like everything's good and this is just a vacation even though I have only known him a short time, I can even tell that Sam is messed up. My partner knows something and he's not talking and that means it's bad or military and I'd wager it's probably both. And you don't really strike me as the take-a-vacation type. So you're here to keep an eye on him and you are trying to _be_ him and you look about as comfortable being the caretaker as I look with grenades in my glove box. You don't want to tell me, fine. You want to pretend this is all hunky-dory, whatever." Danny took a deep breath and softened his voice. "But I know it isn't. And we'll do what we can to help."

Callen's eyes were like ice in the setting Hawaii sun.

"You're right," he yielded eventually. "It was bad. It's been weeks and..." Callen reached up and scrubbed at this short blonde hair. "You know what we do. It is not too different from your work here. Operations, surveillance, investigations, short time tables..."

"Explosions, gun-wielding madmen, daily brushes with death, high-speed chases...," supplied Danny helpfully.

"Sometimes," agreed Callen with a smile that faded quickly. "You see a lot of stuff, do things, make choices. It's not for everyone. Sam and I...we're good at it. We're good together and we always bounce back. But this..."

"Did they break him?" Callen's head snapped to look at Danny. He forgot, how perceptive the detective was, how much he picked up, how he read people.

"No," responded Callen coldly. "But it still broke him."

"I'm going to tell you a story," said Williams conversationally. "Purely fiction, I assure you, but I think you'll find it salient. There was this super-SEAL who was stupid and went onto foreign soil to help a friend. That friend sold him out, got herself killed and him captured. He was tortured and questioned. Luckily, that dumbass had an amazing bunch of friends who were willing to come save him. But he was still...not right. Too stiff, edgy. Didn't sleep, even weeks later. Put blame on all the wrong people, mostly himself."

"Fiction, huh?" asked Callen when Danny stopped his story. Williams made a non-committal sound and nodded out to the two men standing at the edge of the ocean.

"Let's just say those two are probably having an interesting conversation."

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"Your partner looks at me the way Callen does." Steve cocked his head at Sam, puzzled.

"What?"

"Like he can see through me. Like he knows the stuff I'm not saying."

"It's creepy, isn't it?" Sam smirked and tossed the rock he'd been toying with into the surf.

"The difference is, G won't say anything about it. He sees everything and then stores it away. Maybe for later use, maybe not. But Williams..." Steve couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah...Danny isn't really interested in keeping his thoughts to himself."

"He knows this isn't just a friendly visit."

"Yeah, but only because he's not blind. I haven't told him a thing."

"What do you know about what happened?"

"Only what Callen told me, which wasn't much." Sam blew out a frustrated breath.

"G's life is a secret, mostly even to himself, but even if it wasn't, he probably wouldn't share a thing he didn't have to. And then he calls you, tells you about Sidorov, sets this whole trip up..."

"Are you angry he did?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I just want normal, I just want to work like I used to. I have tried running it out, punching it out...it's not working. I drowned."

Steve managed not to show his surprise, but only just. He'd known Sam Hanna for years and he had never heard the man sound so despairing. "It was all bad, the electric shock torture, hearing Deeks screaming his head off in the other room, not knowing if my wife was alive. But, drowning..." Sam shook his head sadly. "What kind of SEAL drowns in a pool?"

"As much as my partner swears to the contrary, we aren't fish, no matter how well trained." Steve shifted slightly. He was sure footed on the sand, but emotional stuff was a little beyond him. "Does Callen know? About the drowning?"

"Yeah. I was hypothermic when they found us. If that hadn't told him, the pneumonia would have."

But the message was there. If Sam could have, he would have kept the details of his experience from Callen.

Steve thought back to Korea. To the fuzzy, painful trip home. He'd wanted to protect Jenna, to help her. And in failing that, he'd tried to protect his team from the knowledge of what had happened to him. That hadn't worked out, for anyone.

"Callen is a big boy," said Steve finally. "I think he can take whatever you throw at him." Sam turned to him, brow furrowed.

"What's that mean?"

"Look, I'm no good at this caring and sharing stuff. But I've been where you are. I couldn't swim it out, run it out, or punch it out either." Steve gestured to the house and the blondes watching them. "That loud, opinionated, creepy-perceptive Jersey detective wouldn't go away. Kept showing up with food and movies and beer and his sweet, little girl and..." Steve trailed off. "The bad faded, you know? It was hard to keep reliving the nightmare when Danny made sure I kept living the real stuff."

"G isn't like that."

"No, from what I've seen, he isn't. But he brought you here. He's trying."

"I'm not sure what _here_ is supposed to accomplish." Steve shrugged.

"Me neither. Let's go for a swim and worry about it later." Sam looked at the clear water barely touching his toes with uncertainty. "I'll be with you," said Steve. "All the way."

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"Huh."

"What, huh? What?" Danny shaded his eyes and looked out as the SEALs shucked their shirts and waded into the water before diving into the surf. "Oh. Look at that, the fish boys are swimming. Shocking."

"Sam drowned." Callen's voice was without inflection. "There was a lot of other shit too, but I think the drowning was the worst. And I kept trying to get him to surf, to swim, something. He just looked..."

"Betrayed," supplied Danny. "Something he trusted, something he thought he knew tried to kill him. I'm familiar." He cleared his throat and jammed his hands into his pockets. "So this is good, right? Progress or something?"

"Let's hope," said Callen softly.

"What about his family?"

"They're fine, safe. But it was like they didn't comfort him. I'd never seen him like that."

"And you?" Callen eyed Danny warily.

"What about me?"

"How are you dealing?"

"We're not talking about this." Danny smiled.

"Fine. _We_ won't talk about it, _I'll_ talk about it. He might have drowned in water, but you're drowning in guilt. Don't look at me like you have no idea what I'm talking about. You blame yourself for what happened to him. And I know what it looks like, okay, I've seen it. And it doesn't do anyone any good. You feel responsible. And Sam isn't an idiot, he knows and tries to keep how much he suffered from you because he's trying to spare you anymore guilt. Everyone locks down and acts like they're alright, trying to save everyone else and no one is alright!"

Callen didn't move, just stared Danny down. Danny took a deep breath and crossed his arms over his chest. The NCIS agent nodded after a long, long minute.

"Okay."

"O...really? Okay? That's what you say? Okay?"

"Okay, you're right about some stuff." Callen looked tired. "I just didn't know what else to do. Nothing was the same and nothing worked like it used to."

"I hear you. And I don't really know what to tell you to do, you know Sam better than I do. Maybe just remember that he's your partner, but he's your friend. And even if he forgets it, you gotta remind him of it, every day. And eventually, the days get a little easier."

"Damn, McGarrett doesn't stand a chance against you, does he?"

"Nope. Glad somebody noticed."

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When the two SEALs walked out of the ocean, they were met with laughter and the smell of meat grilling.

"Uncle Steve!"

"Hey Gracie," laughed Steve, catching the little girl and throwing her into the air.

"Did you have a good swim? You were gone forever! Danno and G are grilling and said we couldn't eat until you fish came back to dry land." Grace cut off, giving into laughter as Steve swung her upside down.

"Her father's daughter," murmured Sam.

"Don't I know it," answered Steve with a smile, as he set Grace on her feet on the sand. "Grace, this is my good friend Sam." Sam dropped to one knee.

"Nice to meet you," he said solemnly and held out his hand. Grace looked at his hand and then at his face. Her eyes were dark, but Sam felt exactly the same when Williams looked at him. She carefully stepped past his hand and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Hi Sam," she said softly. "Don't be sad, Danno just likes teasing about the fish thing." Sam coughed out something between a sob and a laugh and wrapped the little girl in his strong arms.

"I know," he answered, just was softly. "He teases about a lot of things, but he's a good guy."

"Of course he is, he's Danno." Sam smiled and it felt right on his face. He stood up and swung Grace onto his shoulders, warming at her giggles.

"So much her father's daughter."

"Yeah."

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"So what's your diagnosis?" Danny looked up as Steve came into the kitchen, carrying the rest of the dishes.

"What makes you think I have one?"

"You always have one, Danno. And you aren't wrong very often."

"Butter me up all you want, but I am definitely marking this on the calendar as the night you said I'm always right."

"That is not exactly what..."

"The spirit of it was there, Steven, let me enjoy it." Steve smiled and leaned against the counter, one ear on the conversation about robot ponies or some other toy coming from outside.

"And?"

"Too much guilt, not enough talking. The usual. It would be different if Callen had been the one tortured, I think. " Danny wiped his hands on a towel and turned from the sink. "This was extra awful, given their usual experience with awful, and Callen was at a loss, which he hated. It isn't often that Callen feels out of his depth and that only added to how responsible he felt."

"You freak me out a little, you know that?"

"Good. You stick to the bombs, I'll stick to the people. Which makes me wonder why Callen brought Sam here, to you. Is it a SEAL thing?"

"Maybe. Maybe he know I could get him back in the water. Give me a little credit," said Steve, indignant.

"The water was a good start, I think."

"Grace was a good thing, too."

"Of course she is, she's my daughter," said Danny, serious. "Something Callen said, about Sam's own family wasn't a comfort to him. Sometimes when you're looking at the things you almost lost, it makes things worse, not better. But I have found there is not much that my baby's big browns can't make a little better."

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Callen looked at Sam from the corner of his eye. He looked relaxed, more relaxed than he's seemed in a long time. Danny and Grace had left a while ago, and Steve had gone in to get the guest rooms ready.

"Out with it."

"Out with what?"

"Why are we here?" G thought about what Danny had said. No more hiding, no more posturing.

"I didn't know what to do. I just knew I couldn't watch you slip away."

"I'm trying here, G..."

"No! I mean, yes, I know you are, I'm not trying to lay this on you." Callen fairly growled with frustration. "You needed something, and I couldn't figure it out and it was fucking killing me."

Sam leaned back in his chair as Callen stood up, staring out at the dark ocean.

"So, maybe coming to Hawaii was about my need to move, to change, to try something else. Because anything was better than standing still and watching you fade."

"G..."

"It wasn't my fault, but it was my responsibility. Janvier was trying to get back at me, to make me pay. And I know that and I accept that and I can't apologize enough for it. I just want to fix this, fix us. Physically, everyone is fine, our team is safe, your family is safe, so tell me what you need, Sam, because I don't know. Just tell me what you need." Callen cut off as he found himself wrapped in strong arms, a rare hug.

"I don't know, G. I don't know. But this," murmured Sam, "this is good. Today was a better day. Steve and swimming and Grace...you, actually opening up?" He pulled back and looked at the shorter agent. "This is good. You did good, partner. And I appreciate it." Callen looked up at Sam fiercely, like he was ready for a fight.

"Whatever it takes, Sam. We'll do it."

"Okay. I'm not planning on going anywhere without you."


End file.
